Weight it Out

As some of you know, my weight has been heavily on my mind lately. I have had some unexplained weight gain over the last 6 months or so. No one, including my doctors, seems to know why especially since I have been working out more and eating less.

Normally I might just be bummed about the whole thing, but with the wedding coming up (9 days!!) I really had a goal of losing weight to at least the size I was when I ordered my dress. But I am reminded that we don't always get what we want.

Sometimes I feel that God thinks I need this lesson over and over again. From when I was in highschool to even now there are things that I really wanted and did not get. I don't mean a new sweater or something like that, but things such as making state choir for more than just my senior year and so many other things that in reality have made me who I am today so I can't really complain.

As a bride I of course want to be beautiful on my wedding day. My plan had been to be as skinny as I could get or at least skinnier than I have been in years. My plan was foiled despite my best efforts. It has been very frustrating with all the work I have put into it. Watching Chris doing the same workouts and eating the same things (maybe more) and lose weight while I seem to pack it on has been discouraging. I am at the point now where I don't even want to bother.

I think to myself that I should be happy with how I look, but I am not. I tell myself I am, but that is not the truth. I have accepted how I look right now, but that is not the same.

So, on my wedding day I still plan on being a beautiful bride, just not the one I thought I was going to be. If you are going to the wedding or if you see pictures, pretend my arms are skinny and that my face isn't fat. Don't think I've been lazy and haven't tried. But God reminds me daily that I am not in control and so it is.