Is anyone else out there? Anyone who feels overwhelmed by their own expectations? If so, shout out so I don't feel so alone.
LB mentioned mountains and valleys in her prayer this morning. That resonated with me. I should be on top of a mountain (and sometimes I am), but lately I feel like I have been in a valley. No, I don't think I have post-wedding blues. In fact, I think the busy-ness of the wedding helped me to keep my mind on other things.
I am still haunted by my grandmother's death. It has been two years since she passed. The memories of that day are beyond words. It was one of the most violent days of my life and definitely one of the worst. The memories of being strong for everyone else and yet feeling like I had no one to fall back on. It taught me that God was there all along. I was not alone.
Yet, somehow that feeling of being lost, of being alone returns from time to time.
But today, LB took the time to listen to me and talk with me and I want her to know that made a big difference today. Thank you LB.
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4 comments:
you're very welcome, lady. and no, you're not alone.
a couple of things come to mind this morning:
_ the program I'm in says that 'expectations are premeditated resentments'... both for us and others. so hard, to try to relinquish them.
_ the Psalms are full of distress and longing for peace and comfort. I've spent a lot of time at various points in my life looking through them for something to encourage and sustain me. 'search me, o God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.' 139:23-24... 'answer me quickly, o Lord, my spirit fails. do not hide your face from me... let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul... teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.' 143:7-10
know that you are loved today.
Yes LB is a wonderful listener and counselor isn't she?
I know the pain of losing a grandparent and how it lingers long after you thought it would start to ease. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you then but I express my sympathy now. I can say that nine years after losing my grandfather time really has made the memories sweeter and less bitter. I hope you'll find the same.
I'm out here and I'm shouting. I, too, often feel overwhelmed by my own expectations. At least as I've matured, they're now my expecations and not those of others.
It has been several decades since my grandparents died (we were blessed with no "violence" in their passing and that matters and I'm sorry that your grandmother's day was so hard for you. Bless you that you were strong when you needed to be strong and it's okay to let down and let go when you get a chance), and in many ways they are even more alive to me now. May you find the comfort and peace you need. Blessings...
'expectations are premeditated resentments'...wow that is really true!
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